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| I don't really need this crutch, but the ladies love a cripple! |
Before I switched to public school, with its Secular, Nonexclusive Holiday Pageants-That-Ensure-None-of-the-Kids-Cry-Because-They-Didn't-Have-the-Opportunity-to-Express-Their-Own-Special-Snowflake-Traditions-Through-"Songs-of-the-Winter-Holiday"-Sung-in-the-Apathetic-Drone-of-Twenty-Five-Children-in-Homemade-Costumes . . . I went to Catholic school.
Ah. Catholic school Christmas pageants.
These were not mere shows, but grand spectacles dedicated to the young baby Jesus' emergence from the womb - which I always thought they should act out in all its vivid, Technicolor glory. The nativity is all about a birth, but you never see actual labor. Of course, you might suppose that a tiny Lord and Savior would just slip quietly out, all humble and Don't worry about it, I'll just be born in a barnyard like some sort of dumb animal, but I think it would be educational for children to watch the Virgin Mary screaming and grunting in pain. Various bodily fluids spurting about. Elaborate sets of a giant birth canal. Maybe a musical number celebrating the accomplishments of the reproductive system. Then that big moment when Joseph belts out, "The King of kings is croooowning!" while all the kids are dressed as Fallopian tubes and waving umbilical cords around like wet ribbons. Could be a very effective, Pope-approved form of birth control for Catholics.
Not to mention, a theatrical triumph! A real tour de force!
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| Miss Anderson's first grade class proudly presents: NATIVITY! First five rows are the Splash Zone - GET READY to GET WET. |
Image via this blog.
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