I am very strict about resolutions, New Year's or otherwise. Once made, I do not rest until my resolution is achieved, which actually made "Stay awake for a week straight" pretty easy.
In every area of life, it's wise to keep your standards low and your expectations in check. This is especially important for your goals. For example, I would never choose a resolution that required me to do something every day for a year, like "Have at least one pleasant conversation with another human being every day." Completely unrealistic. I might as well challenge myself to lasso the moon each night. Which would be impossible, because some nights there is no moon.
Instead, choose a resolution that requires sporadic effort and has subjective results. This year I resolved to develop a thicker skin. Literally and figuratively. I've burned all my shoes and warm clothes so that the elements can toughen up my skin, but that only takes care of half of it. If I want to write, I'll have to deal with regular rejection, humiliation, taunting, and threats, and I can't let it get to me. By this time next year I want to be so thick-skinned that I don't even notice when people judge me.
Since yesterday was my birthday and The Boy was out of town on business, it was the perfect opportunity to work on my resolution. So I decided to throw myself a birthday party and only invite new friends and acquaintances. I bought a ton of food, made myself a cake, and stood outside the Taco Bell for two hours to hand invitations and extra napkins to everyone who went through the drive-thru. I also invited the maintenance guy for my apartment building, the crossing guard by the elementary school, and stuck invitations under my neighbors' doors. Then I joined an online forum for reptile enthusiasts. I did not invite anyone from there. I'm just interested in any advice they can give me about growing scales.
That evening I laid out the Twister mat, put ABBA's Greatest Hits on repeat, and waited. A few people stopped by, but they didn't stay long. A couple left threatening notes or unflattering drawings of me labeled "loser" or "weirdo." All really good, hurtful stuff, useful for developing the thick hide I need to destroy any criticism that gets in the way of my success. Although one person took it a little far and left a flaming bag of poop on my doorstep. I stomped on it to put the fire out, but burned my feet pretty bad since I got rid of all my shoes. Smelled awful. I suspect it was the crossing guard.
Overall, my birthday was a great success. I could not have been more pleased with the results. Four people total wished me happy birthday - half as many as last year, super good for my resolution - and my grandma pretended to forget not only my birthday but also my name. She hung up soon after I called. I ate an entire cake by myself. Cried for thirty minutes. The maintenance guy stopped by today, ostensibly to make sure the pipes to the washing machine weren't frozen. He didn't mention the party, but I saw him eyeing the pound of mini corn dogs and leftover sodas sadly. I didn't ask him where he was last night. Like any good friend, he was helping me achieve my goals.
So I'd say things are going very well. At this rate, I'll have the hide of a dragon and no feelings left to hurt by Halloween.
Here are some ways you can become less sensitive and grow a thicker skin:
- Walk into a high school classroom in your underwear. It's picture day and yesterday you cut your own bangs. Also there's a test you didn't study for.
- Post your diary on the internet. Nobody makes fun of it. Because they didn't read it.
- Put on a ton of weight. Go to your college reunion.
- Tell your family about your job.
- Enter a contest. Any kind.
- Open mic night.
No comments:
Post a Comment