Facebook is all ablaze with summer wedding pictures, and we're about to add our share. Tomorrow Bill and I are driving to New Hampshire for a college friend's wedding. So while I finish up all the work I want to do before the weekend (read: buying Sour Patch Kids and energy drinks for the drive), I'm going to be lazy and re-post a guide I wrote last year for surviving wedding season with grace and poise:
- Start looking for an outfit online as soon as you receive the Save the Date.
- Find out who else is going so you can book hotels with them.
- This is a delicate maneuver. If you aren't sure whether they were invited or not and don't want to risk hurting feelings, try this approach:
You: Have you talked to that mutual friend we have lately?
Them: Not very lately.
You: Yeah, me neither. Sooo, ya got any plans June 20th?
Them: I don't think so, why?
You: Oh. Just...it's my quarter-birthday, plus three days. (act hurt that they didn't remember)
Them: That's...weird. Oh, wait - actually, I am going to our mutual friend's wedding that day, were you invited?
Works every time. - Freak out when you get the invitation because you still haven't found a dress to wear.
- Look through their registry. Buy the gravy boat and a punch bowl. Tell your date, "IT'S A CLASSIC GIFT! THEY'LL THINK IT'S FUNNY! Plus, they registered for it, so."
- Regret buying them a gravy boat and punch bowl when you find out your friend got them a hot air balloon trip for two over wine country. Shrug and mumble, "Well, they registered for my gift, so." Tell them the groom is afraid of heights, whether or not that's true.
- Redouble your outfit-finding efforts. Surreptitiously browse at work. Only rein yourself in when your searches drift toward flowy, sequined jumpsuits. Nobody else will know it's a joke and everyone will think you're weird.
- Oh no! The shoes you ordered - the perfect, beautiful shoes that you would give your life for if they were in trouble - have been canceled! The seller on ebay advertised the shoes in your size, and then turned around five days before the wedding and told you he actually didn't have them in a size 6, after all.
- REMAIN CALM.
- Definitely don't roll around on the bed in despair and utter the words, "BUT THOSE SHOES WERE SO BEAUTIFUL. THEY WERE THE PERFECT SHOES AND EVERY OTHER SHOE IS UGLY." Or if you do say that, at least make sure your boyfriend isn't around to write down what you said and read it back to you from time to time in a serious voice, like he's in an experimental play.
- Wear an outfit you already own.
- Go to the wedding. Dance your little feet off. You wouldn't have kept those beautiful shoes on for longer than twenty minutes, anyway.
Image via Nice & Cool Wallpapers.
You are very very very funny!
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