Have You Seen this Spider?

I have adopted a pet.

Or did he adopt me? You know what I mean!

He's a spider named Peter, but I don't actually own him, of course. Nobody could own such a majestic creature. He was squatting outside the kitchen window for months in his little shanty-web, but lately he's been making himself scarce. I woke up this morning with a song on my lips and a smile in my heart, ready to greet the shiny, new world after the thunderous maelstrom we had yesterday.

But no Peter did I find. Just an empty web.

I put up signs in all the bushes and trees, underneath park benches, in between the monkey bars on jungle gyms - anywhere a lost spider might have wandered. I printed one set in large font for people to read, and another in the smallest font I could find, for the spider-folk:

HAVE YOU SEEN THIS SPIDER? HIS NAME IS PETER BUT HE DOES NOT RESPOND TO THAT BECAUSE HE'S A SPIDER SO HE'S VERY QUIET AND MAYBE A LITTLE SNOBBY. 

Then I had to draw a picture of him because I didn't have a photo, but I'm not a very good artist so I just sort of drew a fuzzy-looking circle.

I don't actually know very much about spiders - like how many legs they have, for instance - and I got a little carried away. Anyway, it was almost effective: dozens of spiders showed up all day long claiming to be Peter, but I had to turn each of the lonely, homeless things away with a sad shake of my head.

It's been hours now. I just keep sighing wistfully out the kitchen window where his abandoned web bobs about in the breeze. No friendly stretch of a leg. No helpless bug struggling for life as Peter flits about in his dance of death. No sign of him at all.

I just hope he's alright out there. The weather's growing colder, and he's always been sort of small and spindly compared to the other spiders.

But you know, despite all that, he's pretty resourceful. Maybe he'll find another window where he can build an even better web. One with lasers, maybe, and a hot tub where he can bring all the lady spiders.

Yeah, he'll be okay. He's a pretty amazing spider, man.



(Yep, that whole post for just one line. But seriously, if you see a spider who fits that description, tell him Carrie misses him.)

Image via Pynk Celebrity.